Bacchanalian: Delectable Donuts


By Henry Gargan and Sam Schanfarber

Daring donut demoers demonstrate disappointment

Thanks to the recently opened Krispy Kreme on Franklin Street, Chapel Hillians now know that doughnuts can in fact be served fresh and hot, and may also be crafted into the shape of a football.

Yes, Chapel Hill has become a veritable paradise for law-enforcement officers, due to the arrival of our very own purveyor of the glazed goods. The town’s citizens can finally gaze upon the dawn of a new day, where fresh rings of dough proliferate on our streets, and silly hats adorn the heads of all who enjoy them.

 Due to the heightened public awareness of this delicious treat, we have taken it upon ourselves, as burdensome a trial as it may be, to evaluate the various vendors of the treat. It’s a thankless job, but someone has to do it.

Krispy Kreme, 157 E. Franklin St. – Score: 5

The doughnuts themselves were scrumptious, but in the end, it was definitely the hats that put Krispy Kreme a clear cut above the rest. From no other shop will you walk away with such a smile on your face or such a fashionable chapeau upon your head.

All hats aside, it is clear that Krispy Kreme isn’t fooling around when it comes to doughnuts. If you are lucky enough to find yourself in the store when the “hot light” is on (and it usually is, around lunchtime), there is nothing on earth that compares to the almost lighter-than air texture and, for lack of a better word, krispiness of an original glazed doughnut from the double-K. Their football-shaped offering is slightly more substantial, but not quite as sweet. We’re more than willing to overlook this, however, simply because they have the audacity to produce doughnuts masquerading as sports equipment. Clever move, Krispy Kreme. Clever move.

The store itself can be described as nothing short of a pastry palace. Sleek, flat-panel screens display its wares, while cushy chairs, tasteful decor, and the intoxicating smell of sugar add even more class to the doughnut-consuming experience. Free wi-fi allows you to simultaneously raise both your GPA and your cholesterol in a single visit to Krispy Kreme.

Despite its prime location in the heart of downtown Chapel Hill, parking will be an issue for potential customers. If you can’t stomach the thought of paying to park, think of it as an open invitation to use our vaunted public transportation system, which has a stop right outside Krispy Kreme’s polka-dotted awning. It’ll be worth it.

Dunkin Donuts, 1125 NC 54, Durham- Score: 3

Dunkin Donuts represents a solid middle ground with regards to the doughnut industry. Just traveling the distance there revealed an immediate problem, however, as its Durham location is far out of the way for East students. However, we were surprised to find the store nestled in a “hidden valley,” if you will, of choice foods, including a Rita’s, Harris Teeter, Char Grill, and an Alfredo’s Pizza Villa. After parking in one of the many spots that surround the establishment, we gingerly approached the smallish store front, where a massive array of doughnuts awaited us. Keeping it simple, we waded through the usual crowd of policemen, sat down with our original glazed and began to survey.

From first bite, it’s evident that Dunkin takes the “dough” in doughnuts very seriously. They were very bready and consistent, and it took a fair amount of jaw action to pull pieces off. After exerting massive quantities of energy, it was clear that a Dunkin doughnut was a trek in every way; a long drive, a long line and a painfully long chew awaits any purchasers. And while the doughnuts are slightly cheaper (92 cents, as opposed to 99 at Krispy Kreme), they simply did not taste as good. To be frank, Dunkin Donuts sits squarely between our Krispy King and our final doughnut:

Entemann’s- from Harris Teeter. Score: 1

A fair time ago, Harris Teeter offered an array of its own, bakery-fresh doughnuts at an extremely low price. We discovered (gleefully) that they now offer a full range of Krispy Kreme products; however, the conditions of our quest forbid this type of redundancy. We were forced to seek out a new product, and quickly found a contender in Entemann’s pre-packaged doughnuts. At first glance, the cheery box led us in, advertising an fine selection of sugared, powdered and chocolate cakes. Unfortunately, the box did not warn us of the despair to come. As we took each over-sized, crumbly doughnut out of the package, we quickly realized that this would be no easy feat. The horridly dry texture and lack of good flavor drove one taster to tears, as another profusely vomited. We discovered the dreadful truth: this doughnut was meant to destroy lives. Entemann’s products may be classified as doughnuts simply because they were edible. Then again, so is paper, if you chew long enough.  

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