• Satire

    Ancestry.com consumes life

    Ancestry.com is the great equalizer, many say a great successor to formal education. People are thanking their distant ancestors for their help, even if it is from beyond the grave. Ancestry.com changes lives, ruins families, runs the world. It is time to embrace your obscure heritage as a Norwegian-French Pacific Islander and live through that identity only. In the words of Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren – “I am very proud of my heritage. These are family stories.” Formally recognized as a minority professor at Harvard Law, Warren is the perfect example of a Native American breaking through adversity and achieving enormous success. In addition to 1/65th Cherokee professors, Ancestry.com will happily…

  • Opinions

    East has a toxic school culture

    When your options feel limited, you feel limited. You begin to question yourself and your judgments. Your life becomes a drag, and you blame it on your teachers. Then, as adults around you question your failures in school, you begin to blame it on yourself, whether or not your struggles are justified. The academic culture at East Chapel Hill High School is toxic. We cannot escape it, so we have two options: resist the urge to conform, or submit and accept your fate. This leads to the primary consideration:why is our modern educational system the way it is? A multi-degree graduate from Stan- ford and a vocal critic of higher…